And yet another page of our wonderful new members here at the Knights of Yahweh, won't you please join us?
Age: Forever 28
Hometown: Los Angeles, California
Attire: Leather or whatever strikes my fancy and accessorizes with my tongue ring
What I did before joining: Worked in a animal shelter
Role within the group: I am primarily responsible for caring for the large sacred rodent population at the the KoY Compound.
How I joined: I was on emergency duty at the Endsville Veternarian Clinic when Prince Victor brought in his favorite large rat because it refused to eat it's "square meals" rat chow and he was worried. As I examined his rat named "Annointed", Prince victor explained to me how this earth was about to end by a enormous comet and the only ones left to face the glorious utopian future would be him and his followers. I decided to join them because of this and the fact that he had a cute butt.
Goals and Aspirations in the New World: To care for all of God's creatures after the Comet.
Thoughts on group life: Its really not that different than the way I was raised in a huge Italian family except there is less yelling and less threats here.
Hobbies: Trying out my tongue ring
Name: Jim Jenkins
Age: Lemme check my drivers license
Hometown: Houston, TX
Attire: Hey, you're looking right at it! Are you a moron?
What I did before joining: Worked on the oil rigs in Texas as a roughneck, changing drill bits and such like. Whatever took muscle and no brains.
Role within the group: I am now the bodyguard of Prince Victor Diamond, I protects him from those DOoFS and the other envious self-styled religious groups that are jealous of our Spirituality Monthly award.
How I joined: Went on a drunken bender with some friends and woke up on night in some sleazy dump in NY. The fellow getting a massage at the next table was none other than Prince Victor and he started talking to me. The rest is history as they say.
Goals and Aspirations in the New World: Kick some heathen ass just like my goals now
Thoughts on group life: Used to it...we slept in big barracks on them oil rigs in the Gulf of Mexico but the food here isn't nearly as good.
Hobbies: Watching "Wheel of Fortune" and "WWF"
Name: No comment
Age: No comment
Hometown: No comment
Attire: No comment
What I did before joining: No comment
Role within the group: No comment
How I joined: No comment
Goals and Aspirations in the New World: No comment
Thoughts on group life: No comment
Hobbies: No comment
Name: Tessie Dodderson
Age: I reakon I don't right remember
Hometown: Revercombers Corners, South Carolina
Attire: Iffen it's every day I wear my calico print frock but fer Sunday's I wears a black bombazine
What I did before joining: A whole lotta nuttin'. After dem revennur mens come and busted up the still I didn't habe nuttin' to do....I set a store o pleasure on watchin' the TV but it wast too hard to make Bubba stand on top of the outhouse and hold up the rabbit ears antenna! Thoses cable installation mens say that the can't attach the sattellite dish to mah house because its not sturdy enough.
Role within the group: Why I fixes up my special medicine. it heals what ails ye.
How I joined: One day I wast ahollarring at Bubba to climb the outhouse and hold that antenna again sos I could watch, "Cops" and this big ole white car broke down in front o my house. It was some man in a purple dress, prettier than a purple snapdragon..while he was awaiting for Zeke from town to tow his car, we set a spell and shared a dose of my medicine and he invited me up to brew it up at his place.
Goals and Aspirations in the New World: Sonny, I ain't right sure what an aspiration is? Sounds kinda dirty.
Thoughts on group life: Oh, its right dandy here but having an indoor outhouse is downright nasty
Hobbies: Whittling and smoking my pipe
Candidates #20 and 21
Name: The Kirkpatrick Conjoined Twins, Mike and Dana
Hometown: Loveland, Colorado
Attire: Specially designed clothes from "Al's Hut of Twin Wear" in Denver.
What we did before joining: We had a lounge act at the Loveland Colorado Holiday Inn's bar. We played disco music from the seventies and demonstrated the dances of that era.
Role within the group: Help lead worship during the services.
How we joined: We were trying to learn to ski up in Aspen and we knocked into a man skiing wearing only sandals and a purple robe. He taught us to love ourselves and know the sacred truths!
Goals and Aspirations in the New World: To actually get laid by a real live woman
Thoughts on group life: We like it but then again it's all we know
Hobbies: Surfing, skiing and race car driving