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Candidate #1616

Name: Reverend Jessie Love-D'oh

Age: 196

Hometown: Ashland, MA

Attire: Nothing or my pink spacesuit

What I Did Before Joining: High Priest of the Moonies of Jupiter and chief fundraiser for the Clinton-Gore campaign

Role Within The Group: Interpretation of the Sacred Spirals and Loops of the Holy Oracle of the Knights of Yahweh and the chief fundraiser for the Clinton-Gore campaign.

Goals and Aspirations In The New World: To genetically engineer a cross-breeding between a pumpkin and a duck resulting in the first dumpkin pie.

Thoughts On Group Life: Great except there should be more super-models.

Hobbies: Decoding the secret messages sent by the Munchkins in the "Wizard of Oz", fundraising for the Clinton-Gore campaign, watching reruns of "The Avengers", drilling the holes in saltine crackers and hiking.

Candidate # 8245

Name: Laura

Age: 9

Hometown: Bumpass, VA (really)

Attire: Clothes that are the BOMB!

What I did before joining:  Youngest cheerleader for the Redskins.

Role within the group: Official lollypop tester.

Goals and aspirations in the new world: To grow up and marry Lance from NSYNC, then persuade him to give all his money to the KoY.

Thoughts on group life:  I miss my teddy bear and hamster.

Hobbies: Playing with my Lance doll while listening to NSYNC.

Candidate # 10, 432

Name: Lurleen Turnover

Age: 13

Hometown: White Rock, AZrisonea

Attire: Mah bestest outfit from Goodwill

What I Did Before Joining: Lernin' HTMLS and kissin' Gregg

Role Within The Group: Don't righly kno' yets

Goals and Aspirations in the New World: Makin' out wit' Gregg (he is the sexyest boyfreind I habs yet!) and morr HTMLS

Thoughts on Group Life: It ain't as crowdowded as teh Trayler park and folks don' scream as much

Hobbies: Gregg and listenin' to Shaiaian TWain and Brittteny Spearss. They sez I looks jest lik' Britttenny

Candidates #11, 234 and 11,235

Names: The Magnificent Melvin and Melv Jr.

Age: 60ish and 45 years in a trees age

Hometown: Las Vegas

Attire: Anything made of Silver Lame or sequinesque, light-catching and stand-out-from-the-crowd.

What I Did Before Joining: Working the Congo Room at Barts Casino

Role Within The Group: Official Media and PUblic Relations for the Knights of Yahweh - Prince Victor feels that any and all news sounds better coming from a ventriloquists dummy than from an actual person.

Goals and Aspirations In The New World: Marvin - To Be Famous! Marv - To get Marvin's hand out of my ass.

Thoughts on Group LIfe: Hey, babe! It's groovier than Swingin' Vegas

Hobbies: Polishing our stage clothes and constructing elaborate creations entirely out of frosting and straw.


Candidate #22,791

Name: Andy Farhtknockwurst

Age: 13 going on brain-dead

Hometown: Fulda, Germany

Attire: Whatever is officially sanctioned for wear by the National Skateboarders and Smartasses Association of America.

What I did before joining: I spent my days riding my skateboard, playing video games, auditioning for "Jackass" and doin' evil stuff with my mom's computer.

Role within the group: Polisher of Prince Victor Diamonds custom built purple skateboard. Change the trucks and wheels daily too...Victor deserves only the best!

Goals and Aspirations in the New World: victor has promised me that I can turn the Grand Canyon into the world's biggest skateboard park after the Comet.

Thoughts on group life: Better than rooming with my smelly little sister or my loose big sister.

Hobbies: Crashing into stuff with my skateboard, poo diving, fartfugnuggin and playing baby.