This is a memo that our leader Prince Victor Diamond received from the editor of "Spirituality Monthly" suggesting differing ways of dealing with the coming of the Comet. He misses the whole point of the coming Comet and doesn't understand that the coming of the Comet is our Sacred Destiny and to circumvent it is to wallow in disbelief.
To: Prince Victor Diamond
From: Ed Jones, Editor of Spirituality Monthly
Victor, here are a few suggestions of the best ways to deal with the coming of that comet. Let me know which ones would work for you.
Quickly rotate planet so that Iraq absorbs the impact.
"That's right, Mr. Brando! A giant meatball! Just for you!"
The Roadrunner approach: Fake it out by painting the moon to look like Earth.
Ban teaching the theory of comets in your science class.
Break it up by bombarding it with radio waves of Yoko Ono's music.
Give *everyone* their own personal comet. (Suggested by the NRA)
Send Bruce Willis into space to blow it up. Even if he fails: Hey, you got rid of Bruce Willis!
Forget about sending astronauts to destroy it -- go back to your old high school hangout and get those guys with the initials "D.I.K." and "F.U.K." who always seemed to have the high scores on the video game.
Let me know your thoughts,